so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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