i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
