how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
