had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
