so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she told me i tasted like america
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
