Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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