he told me I talked like a deaf person
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize