so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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