she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
