there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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