I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
