Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
