She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
