the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
