yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
