im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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