WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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