He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
