I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
