I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
