you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
