these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
zippers are such a cool invention
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
