I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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