I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
