singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
