I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
