Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
