It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
