Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
