My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
