Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No subtext here. People are naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
