dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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