Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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