what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
