he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your penis caused this!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
