If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
