I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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