I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
