i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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