He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
