Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's rum buckets o'clock
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
