UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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