I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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