Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
