the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
