Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
