I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
