from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
