You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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