Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
