Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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