I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
