my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
