fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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