so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
worst night to have a conscience
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
