I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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