the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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