I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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