3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
