my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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