I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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