Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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