would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
