She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
