I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
