It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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