her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
