is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
