you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
