I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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