Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
