Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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