Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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