I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
