We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
