There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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