My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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