i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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