So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
