just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
