Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
