Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sarcasm needs its own font
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
