you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
