Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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