Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
