just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my liver is dry heaving
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
im on a boat
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