Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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