watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
