Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
