Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
